It's Easy Being Miserable

I learned something about myself this week.

I am comfortable being miserable. 

What the heck, right?

Being miserable is easy. It is so simple for me to hate life, to be sad, to give in to the negative thoughts that surround me. It is totally comfortable for me to have bad days and be okay with it. I am fine with wearing a frown instead of a smile. It's easy for me to not try in any way to be happy. I'm fine with just being fine.

I don't know why it has taken me long to realize this. I have told myself lies about myself for so long that I've come to accept them as truths.

"I'm a failure." Yup, totally true. "I'm weak." Could've told you that one. "Life is never going to get better." You betcha.

My brain is now wired negatively because for such a long time I haven't tried to be positive. Why? Because it's hard to be positive. It's hard to stand up when I just want to curl up in a ball. It's hard to force a smile when I'm irritable and frustrated. It's hard to think positively about things that straight up aren't positive. I'm so good at being a downer. It's ridiculous. It is easy. Is it the same for you?

So, I've come to new resolution today.

No more being comfortable. 

It's time for me to talk back to the negative thinking. It's time for me to stand up, get up, suck it up. I grow weaker and weaker the more that I curl up in a ball of sadness and depression. The fight is hard. I hate doing things that are hard. It's so much easier to walk downhill than up, but up is the way that I need to go. Downhill never gets you to majestic heights. No, the easiness of the path leads you to a place that is dark and hard to get out of. Time to walk up hill, to fight the hard fight, to climb to a less comfortable but stronger me.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I've set some mini goals to get to my big goal of "not being comfortable."

  • Smile at myself in the mirror before I leave the house in the morning 
(I already know that I'm going to feel like such an idiot doing this one. But I've done it in the past and it helped, surprisingly)
  • Write down 3 things that I'm thankful for
(They have to be different every day)
  • Every time a negative thought comes into my mind about myself or someone else, replace it with something positive
(That's a hard one for me because sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself. I guess you fake it til you make it, right?)

I already know that these little things are going to be extremely difficult for me, and extremely uncomfortable. But it's worth it, right? I'm hoping that these little things will get easier, and that as I strengthen the positive in my life rather than the negative that I can make bigger goals and accomplish bigger things. As Thomas Paine put it, "The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection."

I dragged my sister Sadie up into the mountains above my house to take this picture specifically because I didn't want to have a picture taken. I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like smiling. But I did it. Because it was uncomfortable.

So here's to being uncomfortable. Here's to pushing ourselves past our perceived limitations to become who we really need to be. Here's to standing up when it's easier to sleep. Sometimes I don't believe it's worth it, and you may not either. But let's keep trying, because life was never meant to be easy.


      The Optimist in Progress